Birthday Parties : 3 Ways

      So I am on the home stretch of planning my son's 7th birthday! He's 7 already, that long fingered , big eyed bundle of joy I brought home all those moons ago is almost 7. In the midst of all this planning, I have begun to reflect on how the birthday party has evolved for us.

      Simon's 1st birthday was a gong-show. I mean, who do you invite? Where do you host it? The answer, if you're a new parent it EVERYONE and at your house, respectively. I mean, 12mths of playdates, playgroups and meetings at the park garner a 1 year old a boat load of besties and they all should be at the celebration.

      In reality, the 1st birthday is for the parents. That's right, I said it. The parents. They survived the 12 months of chaos after bringing home their non-refundable drooling, pooping, and torturous forced insomnia. They have been peed on, head butted and have left the remote control in the refrigerator more times than they care to admit. Hockey games were missed, a good glass of wine a distant memory, nursery rhymes have replaced knowledge of Microsoft Excel in their brains.

       You have learned what valves go into what sippy cups, what diapers can contain the foulest smells and you can fold down that stroller like an Olympian! Parents give up a whole heck of a lot and while everyone is happy that baby is one year old, they are truly celebrating the fact that no one gave up.

       Who do you invite to such a auspicious occasion? Every relative, friend, drinking buddy, crafting pal, you have ever had the pleasure of looking at. That lady at the gym who wiped down the elliptical, the waiter who said your sleeping child was adorable, they get to come have cake too! Don't laugh, you seasoned parents out there have done this and more.


The subsequent birthdays are for the parents too, in a way. What better way to check out and regulate the friends your child has. My son's most recent birthdays involved having the parents stay so we could meet and vett the parents. I let him pick the invitees, but if I didn't like them, they never came back.
 
      Of course, some folks might argue this is a toy grab for junior and it is. All those crazy, trendy toys that you have been harassed about, are now potentially being bought by someone else. Sure it's pricey feeding 10 kids pizza, cake and juice pops. Cleaning up after them is a disaster too, betcha didn't know that a Kool-Aid can spray that far up the wall with little effort! Yet at the end of the day, as you tuck in little Suzy or Ryan, you get regaled with stories of " ...the best time ever...I laughed so much....you're the best..."


     Finally, if you've done the parenting thing right, you have become a totally uncool entity in your child's eyes. Your goofy impression of Bill Clinton, humiliating, that great head band you bought at a yard sale, shameful and don't get them started on the baby photos you have hung on every available surface in your home. This is when you can host that very last party. This one, like the first is more for you than for the child. You can now drink a glass of wine or six on a school night, you don't have to drive anyone to swim practice or pack any lunches. So invite your friends, let the kids duck out early and you can head to bed at 9pm.
They will love you for it.
   

So whatever stage you're at with your child is at, whatever stage you are at with your party hosting, let Barnilay help you make it no-stress day. Give us your budget, your theme and let the good times roll!

In the Wake of Tragedy, Do You Believe?

We all watched and listened in horror last Friday as the events of the most tragic massacre unfolded in quiet, peaceful Newtown, Ct. One of my friends posted to her Facebook wall that it was ,"proof again there is no 'God' " That post received some flack, some support and a lot of traffic.

After hiding out for week, trying to deal with the steady media stream of a parents worst nightmare, I finally formed a response to her post.

It went like this", I believe as ********** does. God is a concept to appease the masses. The good works we do, the mystery of life, the summer wind. Those are all part of this collective ideal of God. 

Did he send his only son to Earth? Did he flood the planet or create us all, I have no idea. But when the man called Jesus said that God was in everything and everyone, when he told us God would be known by many different names, I believed him. 
Was God there in CT that day? Yes, in the voices of the teachers, on the lips of the worried family and friends. In the eyes of the first responders who witnessed the unbearable. 
I don't know if God is laughing but I know there are some happy, joyous spirits out there in the great beyond who will greet us when we get called home to the Beginning."

I was raised in an Irish Catholic family with clergy for Great Aunts and Uncles. Some of the older generation had strong views, we were all sent to Catholic school. It was part of who we were. In University, I took a World Religion course and formed my own ideas and belief system.

That system came in handy when I heard the news, heard about those poor babies, their teachers who loved them and their families who must carry on. With a shattered heart, I spent any time I could spare to decide how I felt. Did I still believe in a higher power. Yes. Was my soul run over by a truck and dragged 300feet on broken glass? Yes.

Then my amazing cousin posted a quote that she clung to in dealing with the four year anniversary of her mothers passing. It has nothing to do with God and yet, I think this fits perfectly for those ripped from the bosom of the families.

"...In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night...You - only you - will have stars that can laugh." -- The Little Prince"

Thanks my dear cousin for easing my burden and allowing me to be the mother I need to be to my lovely, yet challenging children.

 I will go outside one evening and listen for the laughter, will you?

That holiday spirit

So this is Christmas... And what have you done?

John asked that question years ago and seems he does annually.
How have you tried to improve the world you live in? How has the human spirit thrived through you?

At this time of year we rush to find places to volunteer, donate and support. Ask any charity, this seems to be the best time of year for them, hands down.
But why? Is it because we can't stand to see others not enjoying the sanctity of family, tucked in the bosom of peace and security? We insist every child should have a smile on their faces at this time of year.

I'll tell you why this is. At least in my opinion. This is the time of year we feel the most pressure, socially,morally, spiritually to be the kind of person our moms wanted us to be. Kind, generous, giving almost to a fault. The kind of person we want our children to be. Unafraid of being a little vulnerable, to put a $10 in the charity kettle, buy a few toys for the toy drive at the fire hall, be bold and adopt a family at Christmas, send baked goods to the seniors home. All these selfless acts find their way into being at the end of every year.

The air is thick with them. Why the other night, the news reported a person paying off 18 lay-away accounts at their local Walmart. This stranger bought toys for kids!

Two adorable Secret Santas

This week we are taking our two out to Walmart or toys r us to buy a bunch of toys and leave them in the donation pen at the mall. I hope by showing him (age 6) that its ok to do these things. That it makes us feel good to share a bit of what we have.

"Can you believe how good we feel!??"

So I packed the family up after dinner tonight and headed to the mall. The concept came pretty easily to both my children. We bought boots, hats, and of course toys. If the kids on the receiving end are anything like my brother and I, they won't be too thrilled by the clothing, but their parents will.

There was only two moments of "not happy"; one when DD freaked out that Daddy put some dolls in the cart, "I DON"T WANT THOSE!!" It was resolved by telling her they weren't for her.  The BIG fight over who got to put the bags in the donation pen.
Can you believe it?? They couldn't decide who would be the one to "give".
My heart grew three sizes!

My son even smiled his gappy-toothed grin and asked if we could meet the kids we were buying for, so he could play with them and make friends. What a kid.....

Gifts that won't collect dust

As the gift giving season quickly approaches, I glance around my children's bedrooms and see a lot of wasted money. Sure the toys initially brought them joy. He loved the Crayola book and Lego sets, she went bonkers for the tutus and play purse, but the joy wore off PDQ(pretty darn quick).

 Now, they get scattered around the house and have become the bane of my domestic goddess-ness. Lego and doll clothes EVERYWHERE.

I have friends and family who are in the same boat. Toys-r-Us vomited all over their house and the little ankle-bitters are asking for more. Well, I can't do it. Hubby and I have bought a few gifts, but for friends and family, mostly family as they will understand are getting gifts that do not collect dust. EVER.

I have compiled a list to help inspire me and hopefully you too:

Gift giving for kids is tough. Especially when that kid has a large family.
Cooking classes ie: PC Cooking Classes or Petit Chefs Academy
Tickets to the Toronto Zoo
A session of swimming lessons or gymnastics
A donation to a charity Toronto Hospital for Sick Kids, McMaster Children's Hospital, world wildlife fund, world vision or local food banks.
Movie gift cards

Now the question, is what to get them, what would they enjoy and most importantly, what am I willing to spend!

What non-dust collecting gifts are you contemplating this year? What ones have you gotten that were worth their weight in gold??

Take Time before Time Takes

I wrote this post a few weeks ago, I just dug it out again to tweak.

Took a walk tonight with the kids after dinner. It was spontaneous and I don't think they knew what we were actually doing.

Its' strange that its October and there are still mosquitoes buzzing around, days before Halloween too!  I certainly swatted away my share tonight.

The walk was fabulous, kicking up dry, crunchy leaves and holding hands. My daughter found her share of sticks to start spontaneous sword battles with her brother. After cautioning about eyes and never watching TV again, I stood back. I watched as my tech-hungry kids, became just kids. The smiles and laughter  that sibling bond that is hard to describe and even harder to break.
There was definitely magic in the air.

 It feels like just a short time ago, my son and I were digging for worms in the yard, now at 6.5 he`s too busy riding his bike to friends houses. Soon, my little snugly 2 year old will be obsessively jumping rope and playing in some one else`s yard. My big brother did it, so did I. Will they still be able to truly act their age on a whim? Will they let me bear witness?

I know this post is short and sweet, but so is the time we get to adventure like this with our children.

How to Meet Bieber.

My friend Heather Stewart has this amazing family. Four and a half years ago, her daughter Kathryn was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a very serious form of juvenile cancer. After a very harrowing road and a lot of prayers and sleepless nights, Kathryn has been cancer free since March 2012. Thanks in HUGE part to the fabulous team at Toronto Sick Kids Hospital, this spunky, bright little girl can get back to having fun with her friends and family.

Kathryn and little bro Geoff this past summer (thanks @JenGPhotog)

This December 1st, Heather is taking Kathryn and her friends to see Justin Bieber. It's going to be a great day of serious girl time. What would make it better is for Kathryn and her friends to have a chance to meet Biebs and his crew pre or post concert. Like any parent she wants the most for her kids. In this case, she is hoping for an extra special day for her 9 year old girl Kathryn .

 On her Facebook page, Heather wrote the following: 




"OK I have a little request which costs nothing but a moment of your time. We have tickets to Justin Bieber on December 1. I have been writing to his record label Universal Music Canada to set up a meet and greet with Kathryn and her three friends and Justin Bieber/Carly Rae Jepson. I am writing to ask if you will write to them to support my request. I would ask that you "like" my comment and "share" and also send a message to Universal Music Canada (on facebook) to ask them to grant this request. Perhaps this pressure will help me get this wish fulfilled for Kathryn and three wonderful young ladies who have been wonderful friends to Kathryn throughout her journey with cancer. Thanks!"

Let me stress that Heather doesn't need tickets, she has them. She just wants Kathryn to have a chance to meet Justin and have a great memory with her girlfriends and mother. I'm sure with enough letters, and gentle "nudges" to Universal Music Canada (email them by clicking here!), we can help make this happen.

Lest We Forget.....

World War 1 ended on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the11th month of 1918. It is observed in the Commonwealth countries since then, inorder to remember and respect the men and women of our armed forces who werekilled in the line of duty. The Treaty of Versailles was actually signed onJune 28th of that year.

In grade 2 or 3, when it was still a school holiday, I camedown the stairs one Nov 11th morning and wished my parents a Happy Remembranceday. I remember being devastated by what my father told me had happened in thewars. Until then, I was so naive, so green.

 As I got older, Ifound myself drawn to my curmudgeon grandfather. Mac was more complex than helet on.  Although he preferred not totalk about it, there were times he'd get nostalgic and I was lucky to be thereto catch him. He  told me stories ofmeeting fighter pilots in  WW2 , of whenthey arrived in Belguim and sadly, of never seeing them again. This must havebeen horrible for him, a young farmer from Dunchurch, Ontario.He told me, after the 4th or 5th failed to return, he stopped trying makefriends. In the midst of such a crazy, scary time, it seemed to me, he waslonely by choice. What an awful fate. No wonder he chose not to revel in thisdark memory.

The total number ofmilitary and civilian casualties in World War I was over 37 million. There were over 16 milliondeaths and 20 million wounded ranking it among the deadliest conflicts in human history. ( Thank you Wikipedia.)

In this deadly conflict, and the ones that followed it intohistory, the greatest victims were children. Innocent of any malice and totallyundeserving of the brutality brought down upon them. Childhoods were robbed.

How do we then teach our children, whom we want to protectwith the  fierceness of a rabid motherbear, about the true meaning of the sacrifices made on those battlefields,homes, and beaches?

I really don't know, but I do my best to tell my son aboutthe men and women he sees in uniform today. I explain that they left home, wentto countries across the sea and lost good friends, in order for their fellowCanadians to be free. I tell him about the elections, the free education andgood health care we enjoy and that not all countries are so lucky.

I just pray he understands.

Until then, this is as good as it gets:

"Soldiers went to fight and die for our country. Somejust went and died so they wouldn't have to listen to their kids anymore."Simon, 6 ~ Nov 1st 2012